Takeaway: After infidelity, it’s common to cycle through stages of grief as you process what happened. Healing isn’t linear, but understanding the emotional roadmap can help you feel less alone as you process what happened and begin to rebuild.

Relationships can be incredibly fulfilling, and they also come with challenges. If you and your partner are struggling with communication, intimacy, or conflict, you might be considering couples therapy, but the cost can feel like a big hurdle. With therapy rates varying widely across New York City and the country, it’s understandable to wonder: How much is couples therapy?

As licensed mental health therapists in private practice, we specialize in working with individuals and couples navigating relationship challenges, intimacy concerns, and major life transitions. We’ve seen firsthand how therapy can transform relationships, helping partners reconnect, improve communication, and build a stronger foundation.

In this post, we’ll break down the average cost of couples therapy in NYC, the several factors influencing cost—such as therapist credentials, session length, and location—and some benefits of relationship counseling. Our goal is to provide you with the information you need to make an informed decision about therapy and find the right support for your relationship.

What’s the average cost of couples counseling in NYC?

Couples and family therapy in New York City typically ranges from $150 to $400 per session, depending on factors such as the therapist's experience, specialization, and location within the city. Some providers, such as Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists (LMFTs) for example, may charge higher rates if they exclusively work with couples. Additionally, some couples therapists may offer a sliding scale or accept insurance, which can influence the overall cost. These figures are based on current searches and are likely to increase. As each year passes, therapy costs continue to rise across the country, likely due to inflation and growing demand.

Does online marriage counseling cost the same as in-person couples therapy in NYC?

With the rising popularity of online therapy, many couples are opting for virtual counseling as a convenient alternative to in-person sessions. Online couples counseling offers flexibility, accessibility, and, in some cases, lower costs. It allows partners to connect with a therapist from the comfort of their home, eliminating travel time and expanding options beyond their immediate area. However, some couples find virtual therapy less personal or challenging for building connection compared to in-person sessions.

In NYC, the cost of online couples therapy varies depending on whether you choose a private practice, where fees often mirror in-person sessions, or a larger organization, such as community health clinics and institutes. Larger organizations often accept health insurance, which may help with cost. Many independent therapists charge the same for virtual and in-person therapy, as session length, expertise, and overhead costs remain similar. However, some practices may offer slightly reduced rates for online sessions due to lower expenses. If you or your partner has out-of-network benefits, check if couples therapy is covered by insurance. This can help offset the costs of out-of-network providers. Ultimately, whether online couples or marriage therapy is more affordable depends on the provider, the level of specialization needed, and insurance coverage of virtual sessions.

Keep in mind that private therapy groups are also small businesses. This requires attentiveness and dedication which may be difficult to find in online therapy platforms, and often allows for a more tailored or personalized therapeutic treatment.

Why is couples therapy so expensive?

Discovering a partner cheated can feel like the ground has been pulled from beneath you. The shock, anger, confusion, and heartbreak from your partner's behavior can come in waves after the affair occurred, leaving many wondering if they’ll ever feel whole again. As a couples therapist who specializes in trauma recovery and relational healing, I’ve guided many individuals and partners through the stages of grief after a sexual or emotional affair, helping them make sense of the chaos and begin rebuilding trust with themselves and, when possible, with their romantic relationship. With a conscious effort, couples therapy or working individually can help move through the several stages of grief. This blog will walk you through the stages of healing after infidelity, from denial and anger to acceptance and growth, so you can better understand what you’re feeling, know that you’re not alone, and understand that healing is possible. Whether you choose to repair your relationship or move forward independently, there is a path toward peace, clarity, and emotional recovery.

Stages of grief & healing after infidelity

Healing after infidelity is not linear. Much like the grief that follows a major loss, the emotional journey after an affair that has been revealed unfolds in stages, each with its own challenges, questions, and opportunities for growth. These stages of grief after infidelity don’t follow a fixed order, and it’s normal to move back and forth between them as you process. Recognizing where you are in your healing journey can help you approach the pain with more compassion and clarity. Keep in mind that each person's experience vary greatly, and various factors can shape your experience (e.g., if the cheating partner shows remorse or is no longer in your life, support systems, children, and other life factors). Below, we’ll explore each stage and some coping skills for navigating the path toward recovery and rebuilding trust, whether with your partner or within yourself.

1. Shock & Denial

What it is:
This initial stage often begins the moment you discover infidelity. The body and mind go into survival mode, struggling to make sense of what feels unbelievable. You may find yourself feeling numb, detached, or in shock/disbelief that the betrayal really happened. Denial serves a role just like any other emotional response, especially when it comes to extreme behavior.
Common reactions:
- Feeling disoriented or unable to focus
- Emotional numbness or panic
- Rationalizing or minimizing the affair (“maybe it wasn’t that serious” or “maybe there’s a misunderstanding”)
- Physical symptoms like nausea, insomnia, or loss of appetite
How to cope:
Allow yourself to slow down and breathe. Focus on basic needs like eating, sleeping, and reaching out to friends or family for emotional support. Avoid rushing to decisions about the relationship in this stage; the primary goal is safety and stability.
Some insight:
Denial can serve as an emotional cushion, protecting you from being overwhelmed too quickly. It’s okay to need time before confronting the full reality of the betrayal. Healing begins with safety and self-care, not immediate answers.

2. Anger

What it is:
As the initial shock fades, painful emotions can often feel closer to the surface. In this emotional reaction stage, anger often surfaces as the reality of the betrayal sinks in. This anger, a common emotion, might be directed at your partner, the third party, or even yourself.
Common reactions:
- Outbursts or resentment toward your partner
- Intrusive thoughts or fantasies of revenge
- Self-blame or rumination (“How did I not see this?”)
- Feeling volatile, irritable, or emotionally “on edge”
How to cope:
Find safe outlets for your anger. Talk to a trusted friend, journal, or work with a therapist. Physical movement (like walking or exercise) can help release built-up energy. Keep in mind that acting impulsively in moments of rage likely won’t serve you, even if it feels good in the moment.
Some insight:
Anger is a powerful signal that boundaries have been violated. When expressed safely, it becomes a tool for reclaiming agency and dignity. Recognizing the purpose behind your anger (protecting yourself) can make it feel less scary and more constructive.

3. Bargaining

What it is:
Many people attempt to regain a sense of control by replaying the past or imagining “what if” scenarios. In the bargaining stage, you may find yourself negotiating internally or with your partner, trying to undo the pain through reason or compromise. You may even experience obsessive thoughts as a form of self protection from this new reality.
Common reactions:
- Making promises (“If we try harder, maybe this won’t happen again”)
- Ruminating over what could have prevented your partner's affair
- Continuously seeking reassurance or explanations
- Fluctuating between hope and despair

How to cope:
Recognize bargaining as an understandable and temporary attempt to manage uncertainty. Try to stay grounded in the present rather than getting caught in endless “if only” thinking. Journaling or guided reflection can help you identify what you can control.

Some insight:
Bargaining reflects a deep longing to make meaning out of betrayal. With support, it can evolve into curiosity and honest dialogue, both of which are essential ingredients for growth and potentially rebuilding trust.

4. Depression

What it is:
When the reality of loss fully settles in, sadness and grief often deepen. The depression stage can bring feelings of hopelessness, fatigue, self doubt, or loss of interest in daily life. Sometimes this stage can also include fear, shame, or a "natural anesthesia" as you navigate the relationship work. Some describe this stage as a "dark tunnel," where feelings of loneliness and low energy make it challenging to move to the next stage.
Common reactions:
- Withdrawal or isolation
- Difficulty concentrating or sleeping
- Frequent sadness or crying
- Loss of confidence or sense of self
How to cope:
Allow yourself to grieve without judgment. Grief alone can be deeply painful, adding judgement to it will only cause more pain. Seek professional help if the intense emotions feel unmanageable or prolonged. Reconnecting with supportive people and maintaining small, realistic routines can help restore a sense of stability.
Some insight:
This stage can feel endless, but it is often where the deepest healing occurs. Grieving allows you to acknowledge the pain honestly and begin reconstructing your sense of self and safety. You are mourning not only the betrayal itself, but also the version of the intimate relationship you believed existed. Keep in mind that, although it feels like you will remain stuck in this stage, navigating through these complex emotions gently is a major determining factor for transforming pain and betrayal into self-discovery.

5. Acceptance & Rebuilding

What it is:
Acceptance does not justify what happened, it means coming to terms with the reality of the betrayal and choosing how to move forward. Whether you decide to rebuild the relationship or not, this discovery stage is marked by clarity, peace, and renewed self-trust. Although other stages are challenging and uncomfortable to navigate, they are often important in order to get to this stage.
Common reactions:
- Greater emotional stability and self-awareness
- Increased ability to discuss the affair without being overwhelmed
- Reclaiming personal goals and independence
- Openness to forgive

How to cope:
Consider engaging in intentional healing practices. Therapy, mindfulness, or couples/marriage counseling can be helpful, especially in rebuilding trust. Focus on rediscovering personal meaning, setting boundaries, and nurturing your emotional and physical well-being.
Some insight:
Acceptance is the beginning of transformation. Many individuals emerge from infidelity with stronger boundaries, deeper self-understanding, and a more authentic connection, either within their partnership or in their next chapter. Healing is not about erasing the past, but integrating it into a wiser, more resilient sense of self.

FAQs about the stages of grief after an affair

The timeline for the grieving process is different for everyone. Some individuals begin to find stability within several months, while others may need a year or more to process the full emotional impact. Healing depends on factors like the length of the intimate relationship, the depth of betrayal, personal coping resources, and whether both partners are actively engaging in repair work. For couples who commit to honest communication and therapy, the healing process can move more steadily, but there’s no set schedule for affair recovery. It’s important to give yourself permission to heal at your own pace, rather than comparing your journey to others’. Infidelity recovery is not just about rebuilding the relationship, it’s also about rediscovering your sense of safety, trust, and self-worth.
Yes! Healing from betrayal is not linear, and emotions can resurface unexpectedly, even when you thought you had “moved on.” You may still feel an intense anger, sadness, or denial as new memories, triggers, or conversations come up. This doesn’t mean you’re regressing; it’s often a sign that your mind and body are processing deeper layers of pain and meaning. The stages of grief after an affair are not strict steps to complete, but emotional signposts on the path to your own healing. Think of it as a map, rather than a blueprint. Allow yourself to revisit these stages with curiosity rather than frustration, and remember that each time you do, you often gain greater understanding, resilience, and clarity about what you need moving forward.
The unfaithful spouse grieves differently, but deeply. While the betrayed spouse or partner mourns the loss of trust and security, the unfaithful partner often grieves the loss of the relationship as it once was, the hurt they caused, and sometimes their own self-image as a “good” or trustworthy person. They may experience guilt, shame, confusion, and anxiety about whether they can make amends or be forgiven. Healing together requires both hurt partners to honor their distinct grief while remaining open to honest dialogue. For the unfaithful partner, genuine remorse, patience, and consistent accountability are essential. For the betrayed partner, safety and emotional validation are key.

Final thoughts

Grieving after infidelity is a complex emotional journey accompanied by denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and eventually acceptance. These stages reflect the mind’s natural attempt to make sense of loss and restore safety after betrayal. Healing takes time, courage, and often professional support. While the pain may feel overwhelming at first, it can eventually lead to a deeper understanding of yourself, your needs, and your capacity for resilience.

Therapy offers a safe space to process the grief, rebuild trust, and decide how you want to move forward, whether that means repairing the relationship or healing independently. As a couples therapist specializing in trauma and relational repair, I help individuals and partners navigate these stages with compassion, honesty, and practical tools for rebuilding emotional safety. If you’re struggling to move through the aftermath of infidelity, you don’t have to face it alone. Healing truly begins with the right support.

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5 Stages of Grief and Healing after Infidelity [& How to Heal]